seeking nothing at all

Robert Lax, Photo by Hartmut Geerken

sometimes i have conversations with an

imaginary guru, naturally one who lives

inside me.  he used to be a psychiatrist: at least

in the old days a lot of my conversations were

started with, & a lot of my problems heard

out or solved by, an imaginary Viennese who

listened carefully, often accusingly, & showed

me with a few apt technical phrases how far

i had erred in my thinking, or behaviour.

the Viennese fellow has disappeared; comes

back if ever for very short visits, but has been

replaced by chuang tzu (sometimes merton, or

sometimes chuang tzu in merton translation)

who tells me other wisdoms: usually the

wisdom of abstinence & avoidance; of retreat,

prayer & preparation, of non-attachment,

of “sitting quietly doing nothing”, of seeking

smallness, not greatness, of seeking nothing

at all.

Robert Lax, journal C p. 38