Thursday, August 2, 2012

seeking nothing at all

Robert Lax, Photo by Hartmut Geerken
sometimes i have conversations with an
imaginary guru, naturally one who lives
inside me.  he used to be a psychiatrist: at least
in the old days a lot of my conversations were
started with, & a lot of my problems heard
out or solved by, an imaginary Viennese who
listened carefully, often accusingly, & showed
me with a few apt technical phrases how far
i had erred in my thinking, or behaviour.
the Viennese fellow has disappeared; comes
back if ever for very short visits, but has been
replaced by chuang tzu (sometimes merton, or
sometimes chuang tzu in merton translation)
who tells me other wisdoms: usually the
wisdom of abstinence & avoidance; of retreat,
prayer & preparation, of non-attachment,
of “sitting quietly doing nothing”, of seeking
smallness, not greatness, of seeking nothing
at all.

Robert Lax, journal C p. 38

wounds: not a tomb but a womb

From 1994-1999 (roughly ages 60-65) he "withdrew" to a Zen monastery was ordained as a Buddhist priest. But upon his "re...